Masked!

As a child, I used to love the animated series of The Mask that used to air on Cartoon Network. There was something about being able to put on a mask and solve every problem that came your way, that fascinated me. Agreed I used to initially be weary of his green colored face.

Today, I understand it isn't that hard to be The Mask. We are all after all wearing masks all the time. Not one, but multiple masks at the same time. The smile, composure, excitement, enthusiasm and even the sadness sometimes, are all masks. The mask fits us so well that sometimes we forget we're wearing a mask. We begin to believe that it is as real as our skin. 

So what happens when the mask slips? The mask essentially protects us from others knowing the real 'us'. It protects one from the self. We wear a mask simply because it is easier to deal with things when we have it on. The mask gives you a new identity. It helps you get away while being there. It disconnects you. When this mask slips, you are left exposed and that scares you. You are not used to seeing the real self in the mirror. It frightens to see how weak and vulnerable you are as a person. You hope nobody realizes your mask has slipped. You hope you can gather yourself up. Those who see through your mask will help you hold it in place. They will however, see through the mask irrespective of whether it stays or slips. 

We, as humans, come with the default programming of being scared. We are scared of everything that comes our way. We are scared of fellow human beings, animals, birds, the elements, the future, the uncertainty, the possibilities...... And we'd like to believe that these masks keep us oblivious to these fears. Nonetheless, we drop the face because irrespective of how good a swimmer you are, you eventually need to come up for air. It is good to be off the guard for a while, good to be scared, good to put yourself through it all because eventually we'll get back to being the person we'd like ourselves and others believe we are! 

"He wears a mask, and his face grows to fit it" - George Orwell 

(Happy) New Year

It's the end of the year. A beautiful year, some would say. A sense of hope, newness and positivity.   But what we really have got is blood on our hands! Our hands are soaked with the blood of a girl who was one among us, a girl for whose life we were all in some way responsible.

Rape is not new to this country. It has been existent since since the old and young of this country can remember. It was a crime then and it is a crime now. Then why is it that it is still taken so lightly? Why is it that we have no solutions to curbing it? It is not something that has risen out of the blue. It has taken such a heinous incident for us to wake up and take notice of it. 'Amanat', 'Nirbhaya', 'Damini', 'Daughter of India'  had to be the unfortunate sacrifice for us, 'culturally rich citizens' to absorb the magnitude of this crime. What about the thousands of unsung, unnamed victims who've stifled their screams and gulped down her tears, because, 'we are a culturally rich country!'

What culture are we talking about? The culture of asking your daughter/sister/mother/wife/girlfriend to pack pepper spray in her bag because she might get assaulted? The culture of asking the women of your house to stay under house arrest after 6 because they might be raped? The culture of dictating to a woman what she 'needs' to wear rather than what she 'wants' to wear because her clothes will draw unwanted attention to her and she might be assaulted/ molested/ raped? And who gives these instructions? The men, who for the love of God, cannot seem to keep their urges and needs under control! Men who seem to believe that the only way of showing their so-called dominance over women  is by raping them. The men who worship Kali, Durga, Maa, Devi...

'Amanat' has ignited fire in us. This fire has been ignited way too many times earlier. It has just been extinguished sooner or later with no effect. Politicians have given flowery, moving speeches in the past and they continue to do so today. People tweet condolences and follow it up the next second with where the hottest New Year bash is going to be. People shed a few tears and continue their gossip. If nothing, we're a bunch of wonderfully hypocritical people.

May your soul rest in peace, for you have fought untiringly, if not for anything else, for the sheer will to live. I hope and pray fervently that your efforts will not go waste and that your death will not be in vain.

Musings

It was Friendship Day last weekend and throughout the day I was reminded about how we used to celebrate it as kids. How things suddenly seem so different. No, I'm not 80 years old! But the celebrations of friendship has changed considerably.

As kids the preparations for the day would begin months in advance. We would begin collecting wool at least a month in advance. Then the laborious process would begin. We would braid the wool into different patterns (get mom's to do when we were younger). We would make 'special' bands for our 'best friends'. The not-so-good ones would be reserved for acquaintances or 'emergencies'!

Everyone got a 'friendship band'. We were judged by the number of bands we received. They acted like  a measure. We were judged by the number of friends we had. We still are! We are forever judged by the kind and the number of friends we have.

A 'best friend' would normally be the person sitting next to you in class/bus. The ones who stayed with you for a couple of years became 'friends for life'. Why then did it suddenly become so complicated?

I think we all started growing up. We realized that 'best friends' and 'friends for life' didn't exist. Our bubble about friendship began to burst. We began to get very selective about our friends.

We all manage different sets of friends. Friends from school, college, neighborhood, hobby classes etc. Some people know how to strike a balance. Some others get carried away with one set that they forget that the others exist. Strings begin to strain. New strings are attached everyday. Stings get shuffled. One day you realize that it's just you holding on to the sting. The other person has let it go.

No, I am not a loner who hates making friends. I may not be the most friendliest person on earth, but I do have friends. Whatever changes my definition of friendship has gone through and the many branches that it now has - additions, deletions, the ones I've stopped caring about, the ones I've started caring about, the ones that have become stronger, the ones that have become weaker, I am really proud of all those because somewhere they define me.

26/11

Its 26/11 again... The date brings a familiar knot in my stomach, hoping it would be the last of its kind. It reduces many others to tears. It leaves some other in a void. A date that left the city of Mumbai completely shattered. A date that left India shattered.

Three years since, lets say :

A silent prayer for the brave hearts Mr Karkare, Mr Salaskar and other officers
A silent prayer for those hundreds of innocent lives lost
A silent prayer for the unknown soldiers who lost their lives
A silent prayer for all the families who lost their loved ones
A silent prayer for the Rabbi and his wife
A silent prayer for Baby Moshe

A silent thank you to the NSG
A silent thank you for the staff of the hospital who put their life at risk to save others
A silent thank you to the staff of various organisations who helped
A silent thank you to the announcer at CST for making that announcement
A silent thank you to the journalists, irrespective of whether what they did was right or not
A silent thank you to the people of Mumbai
A silent thank you to the people of India

Things might not have changed in the three years, but I am not writing  this  post to judge what has changed and what has not! Enough has been said about it already. I'm writing this post to say a small prayer to all those who have lost their lives and a big thank you who saved lives!! 

Thalassophobia

I admit, I have never been too much of a sea person. My mother tells me that my first experience with the sea was a traumatic one for me because till I saw the sea, the only water I had seen was the one running from the tap! I had never seen so much water in my life!! But as I grew up, I enjoyed watching the waves dancing their way to the sea shore. But December 26, 2004 changed that for me! I was never able to look at the sea as something wonderful again! Every time I saw it, I could only think of it as the monstrous sea that took several lives! Since then, I've always been scared of the waves.

I was in Pondicherry during 2005 Christmas and i refused to go anywhere close to the waters. Let alone the water, I refused to even step on the sands. Yes, the Tsunami has somewhere, left a terrible impact on me!

This trip to Orissa was very important to me. I decided to get over this fear of mine. It wasn't easy as with every growing wave, I had the urge to run! I had my mom with me and was clenching her hand till I learnt to relax and get somewhere close to enjoying the waters :)

Here's a picture of my endeavour :)

Grandfather

A tall imposing figure in white dress

A gentle face formed with white curly hair

This is my first memory of him

On his unsteady feet

He guided me thro’ my first steps

Tickled me pink with his shaking hands

Till I shrieked with joy

He played all silly games with me,

His youngest grandchild

His old, nearly blind eyes twinkling with joy

As I scampered around his outstretched hands

A strict and sometimes stern father he was

He could have ruled the house like

an overpowering patriarch

Yet he chose to be a gentle guiding light

To us, his grandchildren

A tall, imposing figure in white dress

He now benignly looks at me from the

framed photograph

This is my everlasting memory of him.

The after effects of a wedding!!!

Our family was really excited!! And rightly so.... There was a wedding to take place!! Today, 5 days after the wedding, I'm having withdrawal symptoms!! Or something of the sorts :P

For months now, there has been so much of activity! So much work to do. So much of excitement. So much of running around... So much shopping! Trips to the parlour with the bride, innumerable trips around the city to finalise my outfit for the wedding! Last minute shopping for things that we had forgotten... Crazy packing of stuffs on the last few days, numerous phone calls to the bride to make she hasn't forgotten to pack 'this' or 'that'.... Clicking crazy pictures all along the way because we wanted to keep those memories with us forever!! I had so much fun during the making of the wedding and the actual wedding!  For maybe the first time in my entire student life, I was not bored during the holidays!! In fact, I enjoyed every bit of it! I loved the fact that I was busy and had something to do than just sit at home doing nothing! That, however was till a few days ago. Today, I am just clueless. I am restless.  I have become so accustomed to all the activity around me that, now, I feel so lost! I will have to figure out what to do for the remaining part of my vacations.  Every time my mother says she's busy, I wonder if it has something to do with a "beesanige" or a "tenginakai", only to realise it's all done! I guess this is what happens when you 'try' to do something after a really long time. You get so involved that once it is done, you are just left staring at a blank wall.

Oh well, I guess it'll just wean off in a few days! Maybe I'll find something else to divert my attention to :)  My  nth congratulations to the newly weds!! Love you! :)

P.S- All our efforts paid off.... The wedding was a really beautiful one!